When you’re going through the perimenopause, you can feel really alone. Your body is changing, your emotions are all over the place and sometimes you just feel like screaming. You’ve probably tried to talk to your partner or husband about it, and while he’s understanding (to a point) he doesn’t really get it… and you’re not 100% sure what’s going on yourself!
But it’s affecting him too (and your relationship) and there are a few things that you just wish he knew about what you’re going through.
A few years ago I was in the same position and these are the things I wish MY partner had know about this period of my life, to make it easier not just for me but for him too.
1.I felt completely overwhelmed
Some major shifts were happening to me physically and emotionally and and I felt like it was totally overwhelming! I’d love to have been able to explain what was going on but to be honest, I wasn’t sure myself. I just wanted him to bear with me while I mentally accepted the changes and work through how I was going to manage them.
2. I had no control over my moods
My moods were all over the place. I was happy one minute, crying the next and losing it because he left his shoes by the front door (again!) instead of putting them in the flipping cupboard. I KNEW it was a total over-reaction but the big red bubble of rage just took over my body and I had no control over it. And yes, I was well aware afterwards that my reaction was a tad extreme so please don’t remind me as I am already feeling ashamed and embarrassed by my behaviour.
3. My sex drive had gone out the window
I knew it had been weeks since we had sex but I didn’t have any urge whatsoever to change that. I just wanted to curl up on the sofa and binge watch Netflix. Also, just because I wanted a cuddle, that is not a sign that I’m in the mood and also not a personal rejection if I say no. My libido has gone awol and I’m not sure when it will return but I miss the intimacy and affection too and am trying to get it back!
4. I felt rubbish about myself and had no confidence
Which obviously didn’t help with point 3! I had gained weight in places I hadn’t before (and couldn’t shift it) and my clothes didn’t fit. The confident, fun-loving woman I used to be appeared to be lost forever and replaced with an old, fat and frumpy one I didn’t recognise. I felt like I’d lost myself and needed reassurance that I was still attractive, no matter how much of a crazy bat I was being.
5. I can’t sleep and I felt tired ALL THE TIME
No matter how tired I felt during the day, as soon as my head hits the pillow I’m wide awake and thinking through everything that’s happened during the day and all the things you need to do! And even when I did get to sleep I kept waking up either to pee every five minutes or because I was too hot (and then too cold because I’d took the covers off). And those moods we talked about earlier? They were amplified at night by your insanely loud breathing and snoring, so I absconded to the spare room because I really, really REALLY needed some sleep so I could feel sane again!
6. I’m not looking for a solution, just understanding
Much as I appreciated that you’re trying to help (well sort of), your constant pieces of advice and solutions for what I’m going through actually drove me insane! I’m not interested in what your sister/mum/cousin/colleagues ex wife’s second cousin half removed did to manage the symptoms, because they are not ME! They are not going through the same as me because every woman’s experience is different. I wanted to handle it in a way that suits me and all I need from you is some understanding (and occasionally forgiveness).
And the final most important thing I wanted him to understand was that I’m sorry for my crazy behaviour, I love you and it won’t last forever. I am trying to heal myself and I know I’m a nightmare to live with at the moment!
What would you like your other half to know about what you’re going through? Come across and share with me in the Hormonal Health Support Group.